Just doing it ain’t that easy

Being able to tell someone what I feel was always hard for me.  In fact, it still is hard for me.  I consider it a very unusual thing, probably the most absurd thing i could ever do.

However, I always hear people saying that life is too short and you must tell the person you love how you feel because you cannot be sure if he will still be around tomorrow.  You should seize the moment, take every chance that passes you by.  Do everything that you must so that whatever happens, you won't spend the rest of your life in misery, walking through the what-if's and may-have-been's with a long face.

Easier said than done I say.

You see, doing this is a risk.  It's like entering a dark maze.  You know it's a maze.  You know you could get lost inside, you could go hungry, you could not see where you'll be heading.  You could die, or you could survive.  You know it's a fifty-fifty chance of succeeding, but somehow, the thought of failing overpowers the thought of possibly succeeding.  Then you lose hope and start walking away from the maze.  You then forget why you're even there in the first place.  You try to convince yourself that walking away is no big deal.  Everyone does it, anyway.  But then you're not convinced by yourself.  You'll try to find something that will be more do-able for you, just to console yourself, just for you to feel better about what you've failed to do.  You'll try to divert your attention to something else but deep inside, you know the maze is still there, waiting for you to explore it.  The finish line is blurred but you know it still wants you and you definitely want it.

It is an endless cycle.  Wanting, dreaming, thinking of doing it, saying "maybe not", then thinking again, saying "or maybe yes!", then thinking again, walking away, regretting… It will go on as long as you haven't decided to end it.  And there's is only one sure way of ending it, just do t.

I still lack the courage to do things. The outcome will be the number one consideration.  And, for as long as rejection is one of the endpoints in this equation, expect me to shut my blabber.

Wala akong gustong iwanan…

Marami akong bagay na kinaiinisan.  Isa na dito ay kapag sinasabihan ako na nang-iiwan ako.  Siguro hindi lang ako ang nakaranas na masabihan ng ganito,  At doon sa mga nakaranas na rin, hindi siya magandang experience diba?

Napaka-selfish ng mga taong nagsasabi nito.  Parang kapag may balak kang baguhin sa sarili mo, at nagkataon lang na hindi mo na sila makakasama sa mga plano mo, napakasama mo nang tao.  Unfair yun.  Dahil hindi masarap sa pakiramdam yung iniisip mo na may nasaktan kang tao pero hindi mo naman alam kung paano mo siya nasaktan.  Parang kahit na sabihin mo na ginagawa mo ang mga bagay na iyon dahil gusto mo mag-improve, iisipin pa rin nila na kinakalimutan mo na sila at hindi sila mahalaga sayo.   Para sa akin, hindi tunay na mga kaibigan ang mga iyon.  Dahil kung tunay nga sila, magiging masaya sila kung saan man ako mapunta, kung ano man ang mga pinaplano ko at kung ano man ang mga gusto kong maabot.  Dapat sumusuporta sila sa akin.  Nakakalungkot dahil may mga ganitong tao sa buhay ko ngayon at ang mas dumadagdag pa sa kalungkutan ko ay ang malamang siya yung taong hindi ko inaasahan na magsasabi ng ganun.

Nakakalungkot lang talaga. 

Buhay pa naman…

Ok, kasalanan ko.  Hindi ako isang mabuting blogger.  Hindi man lang ako nagpaalam na matagal ako mawawala.  Yun nga lang, sobrang dami ko talagang ginagawa at iniisip at wala na akong time asikasuhin ang blog ko.

Wala kasi akong kwenta.  Nung bakasyon, hindi man lang ako nag-buklat kahit isang pahina man lang ng mga libro ko kaya tuloy natambakan ako ng aaralin, exams, at gawain para sa pasukan.  Kasalanan ko talaga.

Tapos hindi ko na nabibisita yung mga links ko.  Ang totoo, binubuksan ko yung pages niyo pero hindi na ako nag-ta-tag kasi laging pahapyaw lang yung pag-susurf ko. Sorry talaga.

Nga pala, may New Year's Resolution nga pala ako.  MAgiging organized na ako.  Kaya bumili ako ng planner.  Sana mapanindigan ko ito… so far, well maintained pa naman si planner.

Ayun na muna, sabog pa ako.  May lab pa ako ng onse mamaya. <UP engg jargon, pardon me> 

Goodbye ‘06. Hello ‘07.

2006 is one hell of a ride for me.  Madaming mga nangyari, mga first times, mga most memorable, mga most embarassing at kung anu-ano pa.  Madaming nakilalang mga bagong tao, mayroon naman na dati nang kilala pero ngayon lang talagang naging close.  Sa dami ng nangyari, naimagine mo bang naguupdate pa rin ako ng blog! haha.  More than one year na akong nagboblog, nakakatuwa dahil hindi pa rin ako nagsasawa.

Eto ang aking "2006's List of Anything Worth Mentioning"

1. Nakaakyat ako sa 3 bundok ngayong taon.  Mt.Pundaquit in Zambales, Mt. Daguldol in Batangas and Mt. Makiling in Laguna.  Bawat bundok iba pero lahat masaya!
2. Self confessed underaged-drinker! haha
3. Got close with a lot of new people, isa na si Ghoent! I'm very thankful na nakilala ko si Ghoent this year, she really made a difference in my life
4. Got my first shot at being independent and handled it fairly well.
5. Made my first ever major purchase– my very own Sony DSC-T5 Digital Still Camera! 
6. Became a College Scholar for the very first time in my entire life.  I hope it won't be the last.
7. I learned a lot about when to shut my mouth.  A lesson learned the hard way.
8. Learned so much about having to risk things without feeling so much guilt.  Because in the end, you'll realize that it's worth all the trouble.

And lastly,

Infatuation kills.

Happy New Year everyone!