Just doing it ain’t that easy

Being able to tell someone what I feel was always hard for me.  In fact, it still is hard for me.  I consider it a very unusual thing, probably the most absurd thing i could ever do.

However, I always hear people saying that life is too short and you must tell the person you love how you feel because you cannot be sure if he will still be around tomorrow.  You should seize the moment, take every chance that passes you by.  Do everything that you must so that whatever happens, you won't spend the rest of your life in misery, walking through the what-if's and may-have-been's with a long face.

Easier said than done I say.

You see, doing this is a risk.  It's like entering a dark maze.  You know it's a maze.  You know you could get lost inside, you could go hungry, you could not see where you'll be heading.  You could die, or you could survive.  You know it's a fifty-fifty chance of succeeding, but somehow, the thought of failing overpowers the thought of possibly succeeding.  Then you lose hope and start walking away from the maze.  You then forget why you're even there in the first place.  You try to convince yourself that walking away is no big deal.  Everyone does it, anyway.  But then you're not convinced by yourself.  You'll try to find something that will be more do-able for you, just to console yourself, just for you to feel better about what you've failed to do.  You'll try to divert your attention to something else but deep inside, you know the maze is still there, waiting for you to explore it.  The finish line is blurred but you know it still wants you and you definitely want it.

It is an endless cycle.  Wanting, dreaming, thinking of doing it, saying "maybe not", then thinking again, saying "or maybe yes!", then thinking again, walking away, regretting… It will go on as long as you haven't decided to end it.  And there's is only one sure way of ending it, just do t.

I still lack the courage to do things. The outcome will be the number one consideration.  And, for as long as rejection is one of the endpoints in this equation, expect me to shut my blabber.